The first conversation I had was with my older daughter who is married with young children and serving in her Relief Society presidency. As she spoke I heard concern, frustration and anxiety. Concern for her stewardship as a counselor in that presidency and how would she manage all the interviews. Frustration because she has already taught three training lessons and sisters still don't seem to understand what is expected and what this change in focus means - they still want to know 'what counts'. Anxiety over how she can help smooth out this transition. She commented that with each fourth Sunday lesson focusing on Ministering that they are just repeating things over and over, but still not going anywhere.
Because I'm practicing being a sounding board for my children instead of a problem solver (not an easy transition for me), I tried to listen to her and mirror back what she was expressing. She needed to know that she was heard. I tried to minister to her. Isn't that what most of us really need when we talk with others? We need to know that we've been heard. We don't need others to solve our problems, but we surely can use the knowledge that we are supported as we work through our problems and find solutions. I reminded her that we each learn differently. We can each hear the exact same words, but our individual experiences and point of reference mean that what we really hear - the message that really sinks in could be entirely different than the person sitting right next to us. To truly change something that has become ingrained as a habit - a tradition - will require time, patience and consistency. We as a group of Saints will need to repeatedly hear Ministering from all angles in order to move the entire group forward. Teaching is not ever a once and done task. We are always learning and our understanding changes as our experiences shift. For myself I am trying to be humble and each time I hear a topic (like Ministering) taught again and again, I'm trying to hear what the Lord would have me learn this time.
The second conversation was with my youngest daughter, a returned missionary now at school in a young single adult ward. It began with "I'm not a good ministering sister" and her expressing that this new way is more complicated. Apparently the girls in her ward thought that if they told the sisters they were assigned to that they were their Ministering Sisters it would make it feel like an assignment, so they were trying to just become friends with them instead. My response..."umm well it is an assignment." Bottom line was that she had tried to meet the girls she was assigned to and wasn't having much success. But then she told me about a couple new girls in her ward and what she had done to help them feel welcome. My response..."And what do you call that...Ministering!" I reminded her that trying counts and encouraged her to start by praying for the sisters she is assigned. But I also encouraged her to keep looking for those all around her that need a friend. That's what is really at the core of this shift to Ministering. It's about allowing ourselves to truly follow the Savior in how we watch over, care for, lift up all those within our sphere of influence...not just those who we are assigned. We do have a stewardship for those we are assigned, but the shift from the letter of the law - the monthly reporting our visits - is a shift that turns us to the Lord for direction on how to minister to them as individuals in an ongoing way that builds relationships of trust and sisterhood. It doesn't need to be complicated and it doesn't need us to beat ourselves up for what we perceive as failures. It needs us being willing to try and willing to listen to our sisters and to the Spirit.
Below is one of the Ministering videos found on ministering.lds.org. It is entitled Simple, Individualized and Led by the Spirit and that's what I love the most about this shift of focus. The Lord knows and loves us as individuals....Ministering is all about just that!
(If the video won't play for you, please use the link to ministering.lds.org - you can find it easily there. It's only a couple minutes long and very worth hearing.)
In one training meeting I attended, President Mitchell commented that our generation - the ones part of this shift to Ministering - are laying the foundation for those who will follow. There will be blessings that come to us, but it will be the generations who follow that will benefit the most from our efforts to teach and learn and implement. We are truly part of a great moment in the history of the Church. As I shared that idea with my oldest daughter, I think it helped her realize that the concern, frustration and anxiety were going to be momentary - that things would improve. Our ward and branch Relief Society presidencies need our patience as they figure out how to move forward. There is much required of them and many of them will no doubt be feeling a lot like my daughter felt.
My youngest daughter messaged just a day or two ago to tell me that she had met one of the girls she is assigned to at a 4th of July party and had a good conversation with her. Sometimes we just need to give it time and keep looking for those opportunities and other times we need to act and make the opportunities happen. As we invite the Spirit into our Ministering efforts, we will find the right way for us and for our sisters.
-Lorie Pierce
